Paradoxes of God

There are reasons why Jesus spoke in parables. One is to make it necessary to seek and work to find Him. I have recently been working to reconcile a couple contradictions around the idea of God and Christianity.

The first example is the thought that God is more vast than the entire universe–the ENTIRE universe. Not just our solar system, or our one galaxy, but ALL of it. The smarties who study that stuff say there’s hundreds of billions of galaxies. I try to wrap my head around that and then think He knows the number of hairs on my head (Matt 10). What? He knows me better than I know myself, right? And not just me, everyone. How can a God so indefinite also be so intimate? But eventually I accept it….or fall asleep.

The next example involves trying to live the true Christian lifestyle. There is a certain contradition that surfaces when one starts focusing less on this life and more on the next. First comes the feeling of being free. Compared to eternity this life is “a vapor”(James 4:14), so why worry about failings and shortcomings, why take it too seriously at all, right? But then, as I matured in my walk, I felt convicted to follow the example and teachings of Jesus Christ. He gave us one new commandment: to love others as He loved us(John 13:34). Now is seems there are not enough hours in the day, so much to do…so much I could have done. How can I be so involved in this world but also keep my heart fixed on heaven?

In the end, these paradoxes only reveal how grand our God is and how fulfilling and challengeing a life pursueing Him can be. I will thank Him for that everyday.

Be careful what you pray for.

I’ve been saying I need to pray more since I became a Christian. That’s probably what every Christian thinks at some point in their journey. Life is busy and noisy. It’s difficult to find long periods of quiet alone time with God. We are fostering twin 2 year old boys, hoping to adopt them, so you can imagine the craziness that ensues! I’m grateful to be able to stay home with them, but sometimes I envy women who drive to work…in a quiet car…all alone.

So when I do carve out some quality time with the Lord, I often find myself praying with intense passion and love. I’m sure part of the reason for that is God motivating me to pray more often, but also I recognize that these moments between me and my Lord are so precious, so priceless, that I feel obligated to pour myself out to Him. Such was the case when I began to pray on behalf of my Church. The Church requested we pray for guidance in getting involved in the AIDS epidemic in Africa. A funny thing happens when attempting to talk to God about such a mind-boggling, massive issue: it’s humbling. I started to feel so insignificant and small that I ended up just begging God to use me. “I’m here for you God, tell me what you want me to do” I said. “I will be listening and looking for your guidance, God. Use me, God, use me up!” I prayed like this for about a week.

I did start looking for opportunities to serve and get involved. I even started getting a little anxious about it…now I know why. About a month after the prayers I got a call from a friend who I hadn’t talked to in a while. She said that she knew a girl who was pregnant and planning on giving up her baby….were we interested to adopting? Wow! See she knew that we wanted to adopt and have a baby. It had been a while since we prayed for a baby. The pregnant girl would be due in just 4 months, if she went full term. Which meant we could potentially have 3 kids under 3 years old…in one year! I thought, “That’s crazy. Right? A newborn is a lot of work. I’m already busy…adding a baby it would be non-stop…is this possible? God gently eased my worry and said “Yes, with Me it is possible, but it will take ALL of you. I will use all of you.”

A moment with God

 I suppose I often cling to a false perception that I’m in control. By control I don’t mean the stubborn, type A personality, but a more general humanistic view that my life is my life.  It’s quite amazing to think about how God has deconstructed that humanistic view. At the risk of being too vague, I want to say He did it with Love. I found myself becoming more and more humbled by the thought of what He did for me, for us. Pretty soon I felt compelled to do something. God put a burden on me; of course I didn’t know it was Him for weeks. I was anxious and restless at home and dissatisfied at work. But when I turned to God, and responded to His call, that all went away. And now, now that I’m listening I don’t always have to go through that. I think I know when God is trying to get my attention, there are moments when I feel Him reaching out to me. When I just have to stop and take a deep breath. When the shape of the clouds catch my eye and I can’t help but gaze at them for a moment. When I get into a particularly reflective mood and everything seems to slow down or when I look someone in the eye and see not a name or an agenda but just a child–His Child–a reflection of His Son. I’m learning to recognize those moments as they are happening, so that I may embrace a moment with God.